Do you have faith in your own lies to yourself?

 

Do you always tell the truth to yourself? Do you lie to yourself? How often do you do that? Or maybe you never do that and you thought how can one lie to oneself?

Few years ago I was attending and, later tutoring a course, and one of the questions in the begining of the curriculum was ”can one lie to oneself?”

Indeed the nature of the material on that course was to raise awarness, create healthy discussions and understanding amongst the participants and I must say I learned a lot from the diverse answers and comments everyone gave and I still do when I tutor one of these courses, but to myself, at the very first time, it felt like it lightened up a whole area in my brain and of course that area went dark again : )

 I believe I do lie to myself and no matter how much I want to get rid of it, I find myself trapped into that darkness.

I find myself saying I beleive in the Oneness of Mankind when that part of mankind who are wondering in the streets of Oslo begging bothers me so much. 

I look in the mirror and see the wrinkles around my eyes and mouth , I sadly hear myself saying ” I should do something about that” when  originally  I beleive in the power of laughter and practically I know wrinkles are the foot print of laughters, at least in my life!

I say I have intolerant to milk when no test on earth can proove that and I know deep down I have problem with my mother and I am so tired to work on that I rather skip the milk.

I say ” it is ok, take care!” to a man who has broken my heart when I want to scream so loudly until God, love and universe will hear me and not give me the same guy over and over again.

I hear the news about lack of water in some parts of the world poor economical situations, war, racial prejudice and I whisper in my inner being „ we don’t have this problem in Norway” where deep down I know it is one earth and those who have those problems sooner or later will find their way to the streets of Oslo.

I find myself in the dark over and over again.

What lies do you say to yourself? Do you dare to go to that dark area in your head? If you know you lie to yourself, the mere awareness of it, will it make you a more conscious person about your own being? Will it help you to be a more truthful person? 

What will happen if all the people of the earth would be truthful? 

And this was yet another question on the curriculum on that course now that I recall :) 

What would happen if all the people of the earth would be truthful? 

Does this question navigate you to the bright side of your brain? It will if you are an optimistic person. If you are realistic you will think „ but how can that be possible”? What about the politicians? what about the lawyers? hehehe!

Are you a politician or a lawyer? Probably not! What if I decide to be truthful to myself? I haven’t even started with you : ) and I know that is none of my business. 

The thing is, only when I start ”doing” what I am ”being” that hope is created and faith is established in me.

”By Faith it is meant conscious knwoledge and the practice of good deeds”

 

Hell is cold in Oslo

The sun is shining over Olso and it is beautiful. If I were to follow Eckard Tolle’s suggestion of staying in „Now” and, I must admit  I am doing that right now, I probably will end up soaked in the rain a little later! The thing is when the sun shines in Oslo it is so special you would think it stays forever, the way it caresses your skin is so soft it simply takes you away even beyond „now” to the eternity.But then a simple white innocent cloud covering the sun brings you back to the” hell” which by the way is awefully „chilly” in Oslo.

Yes, you live in a cold hell and  a warm heaven a thousand times a day and that, hasn’t made these people moody! Only those who are in their menopause, PMS-ing, suffering from eating disoerders,drug addicts, people suffering from fibromyalgia,arthritis, thyroid illnesses, skin problems...all for a valid reason of course says I who is a woman and a  doctor and really feels for her patients.

These people are calm, when you stop them in the street to ask for a direction they give you a friendly smile, maybe because they see I am lost with my google map in my hand. Hmmm...now that I am writing about it...maybe they are actually finding it quite amusing.

The truth is I am one of those who has not much sense for orientation. It used to bother me and make me a bit anxious but now I joke about it. It seems to me that ever since I take my shortcomings easier and more with humor, I accept myself more fully... just the way I am. This doesn’t mean there is no place for development, but being critical and over analytical about everything in life is definitly the way towards depression and it happens so smoothly just like the way that innocent white cloud comes and covers the sun!All of a sudden you feel your life is all cloudy, chilly and depressing,you remeber the pain, it all aches, you forget there was a sun, there is a sun, shining right there and has only been covered temporarily with thoughts or just a though, fear of being left alone, maybe abandonment?

 Now you have probably heard about the average of 70,000 thoughts crossing our mind every day, I am not sure where does that come from I have not found the real source as yet, I just know there are so many thoughts, or better say so many clouds hah!?

The sun as perfect, warm,shiny and beautiful as it is,if I get too close to it, it will burn me, yet closer and it will consume me. Does that make the sun imperfect? Does that make me weak because I can’t stand too much intimacy with the sun? Is this about learning my boundaries and limitations? Is there any truth in this about being self-protective yet enjoying the sun from a distance?

I guess I have got carried away by the power of now : ) however, I have come to realize that external influences are immense on us and there are many thoughts that cross our mind, yet it is our choice to grab one, ponder upon it and to let go of another. Do I want to keep thinking about what I didn’t get? Wouldn’t that frustrate me?

 The good news is even behind that innocent white cloud that can sometimes get angry, dark and, grumpy you know the sun is still shining. Clouds will pass, just sit and observe for a short while and then start ”doing”!